Off Topic Board

My ex wife used to ask me for money to buy make up and fancy clothes. When I asked her what she needed that crap for she told me, "so that I can look pretty for you." I said, "babe that's what I buy Jim Beam for!"

A man was shopping with his wife and saw beer on sale for $10 a case. He was putting a case in the cart when she said no, it was a waste of money. Later, she picked up a jar of face cream that cost $20. He protested and she said that it made her look beautiful for him. He said, "That's what the beer is for and it is half the price!"

MAN DOWN IN AISLE 7!

This thread makes me smile.

You all get upvotes!

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You've already told her twice.

What do you call the useless fatty tissue and skin around a vagina?
A woman.

True statement

I may as well contribute this thread.

Q: You know how you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?
A: Hand the bish a shovel

Q: You know why the bride always wears white?
A: So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Q: You know why you never have to buy the wife a watch?
A: There's a clock on the stove

Q: Why did the woman cross the road
A: How cares. What was she doing out of the kitchen?