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The Best of UI Confessions:

  • The Todd censor bombed my last post. moon

    I'll post more later so he has to read more stories of what Iowa City is like.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 20. i woke up on sunday after the bar crawl in some guys room... needless to say, my asshole was burning.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 21. Sophomore year I was hooking up with my ex boyfriend and he proceeded to jizz inside of me and then had the nerve to text another girl after we had sex. So I asked him if I could take a shower and rinse off. I decided to get my revenge by peeing the urine and jizz mixture into his shampoo and his body wash. Whoops!

    This is probably one of the greatest pwns of all time.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 22. Blacked out the other weekend came back walked into an asian exchange room and (crapped) on his chair. Cops had no clue what do and just let me go.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 23. Blacked out one fine night and woke up next to a young lady in bed. Her first response was to say "wow i dont even remember coming home with you last night" my response to that was "i dont remember you being so big" pretty sure im going hell

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 24. I spend my nights thinking about who the Creator could be and if they're in some way affiliated with UW-Madison's Creator..No really, this sh** haunts my dreams. I like to imagine UW Madison's Creator as the sub in a twisted gay relationship taking UIowa's Creator's (penis) up the butt.

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by derHawkeye on 3/14/2013 at 10:58 PM

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • lol Great thread.

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    Hawkifish

  • 25. Used to hook up with a frat boy last year. I found out he had a girlfriend back at home. We rawdogged it. I have herpes. Have a good life!

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 26. Threw up in the corner pocket of the pool table at brothers this weekend... my bad.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 27. Occasionally, I see this extremely attractive girl at the rec who will "sneakily" look at me as I'm lifting. Whenever I pass by her I'll give her a smile. I would love to have a quality conversation with her and actually get to know her, but I'm afraid I would just end up bending her over a bench and plow the ever loving sh** out of her right there in front of everyone.

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by derHawkeye on 3/14/2013 at 10:59 PM

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 28. After my heart was broken, I decided to either have a happy, healthy, functional relationship, or to have sex with as many people as possible. Once the list got too long to remember off the top of my head, I wrote it down. And then started to make graphs. I have graphs of my sex life.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 29. There are so many gorgeous women at the rec center, using the cardio machines on the second floor. When the urge becomes too much for me I sit in those comfy chairs directly behind them and pocket jerk until completion. Cheers ladies!

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 30. My freshman year back in 2006, I went to a house party with a bunch of people from my Mayflower floor. I proceeded to get black out drunk, and while waiting in line for the keg, a big girl in front me wanted to do a keg stand. Understandably, I was frusterated becuase she was between beer and me. So once she went up for the keg stand, which by the way took 4 people, I punched her square in the vagina, she procceded to throw up beer over everyone there. I sneakily walked away and nobody ever knew it was me.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 31. I once walked in on my roommate jacking off while sticking a water bottle in his ass. Hopefully confessing this will finally allow me to get the image out of my head.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 32. I got fingered on the dance floor at brothers when I was blacked out. How do I know this? There's now a hole in the front of my lace underwear...

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 33. A couple of nights ago my roommate heard me having sex with a girl in our double at currier, he was pretty mad, but I don't think he realizes I've been getting it in while he sleeps at least once a week since halloween. To be honest, it actually kinda turns me on to know he's in the room.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 34. During Glowdaze I thought it would be a good opportunity to show off my new dress. the only problem was it was so tight I had to go commando, the night was going well until I was dancing with this guy and I sharted. He was really drunk and im pretty sure i left a mark on his pants. I wont be going to Union anytime soon

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 35. the fact that i'm willing to let a random guy raw dog me this weekend just to make it on this page depresses me.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • this thread makes me happy

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    hawkirob

  • 36. Fairly confident i contracted herpes at union this weekend. less than thrilled about it to say the least.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 37. this last fall was my first weekend going to school here and the first Friday night I got so drunk on my walk home I waved down what I thought was a van taxi and when I opened the door I asked the black lady driver if I could get a ride. She said yes but first we had to go to Cedar Rapids and back. Lets just say I was surprised to wake up in my own bed.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 38. One night a few of my buddies and I decided it was a good idea to try bath salts (didnt know at the time). One of my buddies ended up having sex with a 50 yr old mom while her son stood outside the room and my other buddy locked himself in a room shaking uncontrollably. Best night in Iowa City by far.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 39. I made fun of my roomie for the longest time because she got a black eye and didn't know how. A week after, I woke up with an unexpected black eye too.

    Couldn't find a better clip on youtube.

    This post was edited by Todd Worly on 3/14/2013 at 10:51 PM

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 40. I snorted blow and banged a 40 year old MILF in DC's bathroom she later told me her son wanted to pledge my Fraternity

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 41. James Vandenberg lasted four minutes with me...which is still longer than he should have lasted on the field.

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

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