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The Best of UI Confessions:

  • These are not things I'm just making up, they come from a facebook page for University of Iowa students. Some posts may be edited by me so they don't break any rules for this site. Enjoy.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 1. When a person that doesnt go to iowa writes on here i wanna slap them with a dildo used by queen latifah

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 2. It was freshman year at summit (duh) and I started talking to this red head. She came to the booth to take some shots and subsequently began to unzip my pants. She started to give me a handie under the bar. I told her that I had morals and we had to go back to her place. We went back. I f-ed her. She left the room for what I thought was the bathroom. I saw this as the perfect opportunity to ditch out. I put my clothes and bolted out of the bedroom, through the kitchen and towards the front door. When all of a sudden I heard a voice in shock in awe say "I was making you food". It barely fazed me and I left without saying anything. On the walk home I wondered to myself if I should feel bad...then I realized she was a ginger and doesn't have a soul so I was fine.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 3. I got peed on at the T-Pain concert. Welcome to college. Innocently, I was enjoying (but not really) the concert, when I heard the sound of splashing water and felt the moisture on my legs. I looked over to see a boy who had a hand at his crotch. He met my eyes as I backed away-- and then he finished, leaving to find his friends. Who comes farther INTO a crowd to pee? So if you see this, boy-who-peed-on-me, you are an idiot.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 4. I have been having gay sex with my best girl friend's boyfriend for 3 years now. They have never had sex he tells her he's saving his virginity for marriage but is behind her back f-ing me. Pretty sure he's 100% gay and using her as a cover up so his very religious and conservative family don't disown him or kill him.

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by derHawkeye on 3/14/2013 at 11:02 PM

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 5. I'm sitting here in my dorm room alone at Burge, stoned out of my mind. I'm sitting on the couch and through the wall I can hear my next door neighbor having sex with his girlfriend. I'm strangely aroused and am currently at half mast and it's still rising.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 6. So an ex friend of mine hooked up with my gf while we was dating my freshman yr (first mistake having a gf at the university of iowa before grad school second leaving her around my roommate ex football) my revenge is now fully complete after this weekend ive had sex with his girlfriend his sister and now his single mother as she came to visit! Call me dad b****!

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 7. So, I love my boobs. A lot. I even have names for them. Well, this weekend I wore a bandeau and the more drunk I got the more it kept falling, I thought I was pulling it back up fast but today I learned that I had some pretty slow reactions because my boob made #5 on the Big Ten Party Stories, photo contest... I just wanna thank whoever did it cause now one of my boobs is famous now I need to work on the other one. :)

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 8. So a friend came up here to visit this weekend. He ended missing for the entire night, while my friends and I freaked the f*** out because we couldn't find him. Turns out he pissed in front of Slater, got arrested, and had to pay over $1000 bail since he had a fake. Iowa City was a little too much to handle.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 9. I ding dong ditched Sally Mason the week before Halloween. She came to the door and looked puzzled for a second. Not expecting her to actually answer the door herself, I didn't know what to do so I roared like a jungle cat from the bushes and then she screamed and slammed the door.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 10. My guy and I were having drunken sex over the weekend and, as usual, he finished first. Like the gentleman that he is, he started going down on me. It wasn't until a few minutes later that either of us realized the condom had broken. I still haven't gotten the courage to ask him how he liked the taste of his own jizz.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 11. All i wanted for my birthday was a big-booty hoe but I didn't want the one who ended up in my bed..

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 12. I blacked out last night. Woke up with a black eye, a chipped tooth, scratches all over my face and bits of Jell-o in my underwear and shoes. Iowa City is a hell of a drug and I don't want to quit it.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 13. My roommate brought a futon, and I can never use it because she always has her sh** on it and never moves it, and I have been told not to have sex on it with my boyfriend. Every time he visits we have sex on it and I don't move her clothes covering it. Sharing is caring.

    See 14 for full story.

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by derHawkeye on 3/14/2013 at 11:02 PM

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 14. My roommate is the one who just posted about having sex on my futon on my things. The thing she doesn't understand is that she is possibly one of the most foul and disgusting people I've ever met. Due to her disgusting habits I have purposely tried to out do her. Therefore I would like to apologize to her for peeing on her things and in our sink before she uses it. That might make me disgusting too but, at least I don't have pee all over my belongings.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 15. So my roommate has a lot of pets (a couple ferrets, a fish, a cat and a dog) and I have gotten in the habit of masturbating on them, around them and even with them. I know this isnt conventional but I mean come on you guys its 2013 times are a changin I am not going to discriminate against race, age, gender, sex, and certainly not against species type when it comes to bustin a nut. Which reminds me my roommate just left I gotta go, he dosent know I do this yet

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 16. I've see a few posts about RAs recently and, I used to be one so I guess it's finally time to confess. Not only was I getting weed from one of the kids on the floor below me but we were also f-ing the entire school year. Since then I have had sex with 3 former building residents. And oh yeah, I would poke holes into the condoms I kept in a fishbowl on my desk for all those douche bag bros that would bang on my door at 2 am with bar sluts

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • I heart this thread.

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    I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands. -Babe Ruth

    JWolf0074 ●

  • 17. I f-ed a girl in her bed after drinking a bottle of hawkeye and then pissed in her bed. In the morning she was standing up staring at me and said, "You came over to my house, f-ed me, and then peed in my bed." I didnt know what to say so i just said,"yeah" and walked home feeling like a champion

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 18. I keep stabbing homeless people in the Pentacrest and I can't stop someone help me please

    I can't stop laughing at the randomness of this one.

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    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • 19. Last weekend i ended up going home with this chick after a (crappy) kegger... Anyways I was going to rawdog it until I noticed once she took her panties off there was what appeared to be a skid mark right down the middle. Disgusted I was still f-ed up so I figured I could get a pass. Anyways i slapped that jimmy on timmy and threw her down. Next morning i woke up before she did. Looked around and noticed there was sh** all over the sheets. I left immediately and cried in the shower for a few hours... Mistakes were made

    This post has been edited 2 times, most recently by derHawkeye on 3/14/2013 at 11:03 PM

    signature image signature image signature image

    Sine Missione -- Never be a spectator for unfairness or stupidity, argue for arguments sake; the grave will give plenty of time for silence.

    derHawkeye

  • derHawkeye said...

    17. I f-ed a girl in her bed after drinking a bottle of hawkeye and then pissed in her bed. In the morning she was standing up staring at me and said, "You came over to my house, f-ed me, and then peed in my bed." I didnt know what to say so i just said,"yeah" and walked home feeling like a champion

    roflmao this is awesome

    IDWIW ●

  • derHawkeye said...

    16. I've see a few posts about RAs recently and, I used to be one so I guess it's finally time to confess. Not only was I getting weed from one of the kids on the floor below me but we were also f-ing the entire school year. Since then I have had sex with 3 former building residents. And oh yeah, I would poke holes into the condoms I kept in a fishbowl on my desk for all those douche bag bros that would bang on my door at 2 am with bar sluts

    lol

    m

    mistyhawk

  • this thread owns

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    hawkirob

  • Very interesting padding technique. I like it no check that I LOVE IT

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    Gold medals aren't really made of gold. They're made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts.

    HawkiBrad55

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